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The Snoring & Sleep Apnoea Forums

Help! My mother is in denial

Talk about all aspects of sleep apnoea. Request help from others with the same problem, tell your story, exchange tips & techniques ..

Help! My mother is in denial

Post by Guest » Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:29 am

My 88 yr old mother has snored very heavily all her life and displays typical sleep apnoea symptoms waking with a very loud snore or snort and gasping for breath. She sleeps on her back and will not lie on her side as her hip hurts her. On a recent visit to her room I timed 8 -
10 seconds of breathing followed by 50-60 seconds of non-breathing on a repeated basis for over five minutes at which point I left the room.
This is much worse than I realised. She is asleep for most of the day (continuing the pattern of snoring but sometimes less so if her head is down and not fallen back against the back of a chair) whilst sitting at a table or in front of the television and is only able to stay awake if she is talking but not able to stay awake if listening for any period of time. Despite my efforts to explain to her why she is so tired she is convinced that this tiredness is due to her age and her need to occasionally visit the bathroom during the night. I am caring for her more and more since my father died 18 mths ago but can see how her quality of life is so compromised that she feels unable to stand or move about which is only making her feel worse. I have asked her to talk to her doctor about this but when told to return to discuss more fully she has not done so. What do I do? Is there a successful and simple home remedy anyone can recommend?

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Re: Help! My mother is in denial

Post by Sleep2Snore » Tue Jan 02, 2018 7:57 pm

This is very difficult to deal with.
You have tried talking calmly to her, showing a bit of concern about her?
Only other way is to record her when she is asleep and risk a full scale argument for breach of trust etc.
You could try sitting down and showing a bit of concern, saying that you can hear her stopping breathing, even when she is in her chair.
Say you are concerned about her, but do not get involved in an argument, it will only put her back up.
If you manage to stay calm, offer to leave a recorder in her room, you can download an App for your phone (Snoreclock) just google it.
The phone will need to be close to her though. Instructions are on the website.
Ask her if she feels tired all the time and feels she can't be bothered doing anything and has brain fog in the morning, sore heads, goes to the toilet more often. She will say it is just old age and I can see why she would say that, but it is hard to get it across.
You could also have a word with her doctor so the doctor can bring it up next time, though they will not discus her with you, you can at least alert the doctor to her condition.
it is very hard to deal with if someone point blank says you are talking rubbish.
Good luck, you will need it.
S2S - Sleep2Snore

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