British Snoring & Sleep Apnoea Association

NM

If I have to PM do I really want to know the details??????!! might make me blush

You need The Captain to help you with that one love !!!! perhaps pm captain ahab he will give you the full details .

Hi Unique

You're nowhere near as unique (lol) as you might think, I'm in a new relationship too and I'm the one who ahem nagged my fella to go for a sleep test cos the not breathing scared the **** out of me. The snoring was like a helicopter hovering over the house too even with my ipod on full with earplugs!

I second everything that Alsa wrote and would add that when it's sleep time (think of that episode of Friends, the one where Ross is being 'advised' by Joey how to get a girl to go to sleep on her side of the bed) I'm the one who says okay honey put your strap on - Nuneatonman does that mean I can join the special group too?

On a more serious note, I guess it's a little different for me as I was there when the mask first went on but trust me when I say I love love love XPAP. I can actually function at work the next day because I get a good nights sleep. I still get a cuddle and I don't have to worry that if I doze off again I'm going to be woken by his body jumping to the ceiling and the very strangled noises reverberating through his chest.

Days together are much better too, I don't feel as though I have to do all the driving, 'just in case' and he's more up for doing things because he's had better sleep. It's not all plain sailing, there's good days, bad days and just plain poo days but I wouldn't be without our 3rd for all the tea in China.
Tell him to get his bloomin mask on and you be nice about it too, the Darth Vadar look won't grow on you but you will see past it I promise
Angi

Unique that's a very courageous and loving post you wrote. Thank you.

I think for many of us the issues of intimacy and xPAP treatment bring linked difficulties! Certainly an xPAP is not the most sexy of equipment, but it is vital for the OSA sufferer's wellbeing! And when push comes to shove, it's better to be celibate with someone living than to have a brief mad sex life brought to a sudden end by a heart attack, stroke and their dreadful consequences.

Let's be adult and I hope you won't find what I'm going to say offensive.

One can romp all one likes as long as the OSA sufferer puts on his or her mask and machine when one's pulse returns to normal or drowsiness comes between you. It's not wrong for the non-OSA partner to remind his or her partner to put on their mask if they start to go to sleep at the end of your playtime. Just as it is no longer taboo for ladies to help their gentlemen with wearing a condom, why should it be any more taboo for one partner to remind the other to put their mask on? A darn sight easier in my opinion, and just as loving a gesture.

Your partner SHOULD - and yes, I am 'shouting'! wear his CPAP mask when you stay over. If he doesn't, his risk of a stroke or heart attack when asleep rises substantially, so he's putting his health at risk unnecessarily because I am sure that you have read enough on here and elsewhere to understand why a person needs CPAP treatment and how important it is that the treatment continues EVERY time a person goes to sleep (even an afternoon nap after a good lunch!).

I am sure that you can either see beyond his mask or learn to see beyond it. You need to impress on him the need to wear it because you want to be with him for the foreseeable future (or at least I hope you do!) and if he doesn't comply with CPAP, that future might be shorter than you or he would like to think!! And of course he WILL be more tired because he's not getting the good quality of sleep he needs. Maybe you could remind him that he's more likely to have an accident on the road if he hasn't been using his CPAP ... and that it might also have unexpected side-effects leading to a disappointing response on his part to stimulation. (I'll leave that deliberately vague but I'm sure you can guess!!!)

It's a REAL man who wears his CPAP every time he sleeps. It's a WIMP who only dares to wear his 'in the closet'. And I've met gents who suffer from OSA and wear their masks as they should and believe me, there's nothing lacking in them!
Real gents too.

Try to explain to him that CPAP is nothing to be ashamed of. Would a diabetic only inject him or herself with insulin in secret? (I'm not talking about doing so discreetly in public or taking themselves to the bathroom or bedroom.) Or a person with a broken limb remove their cast in company to seem to be 'well'? Of course not!

He has to understand that the danger to himself and others if he's not compliant on his therapy is REAL. Try to get him to read this site ... and to contact some of the gents who post on this forum. I am sure they will be able to reassure him that one's love life is not lost when one has OSA. He may not yet be able to accept his own condition, and perhaps we can help him. It is SO important that he wears his machine EVERY night. Sadly OSA is a condition for life. It cannot be cured but it can be managed so effectively that the sufferer lives not only his or her full natural lifespan (assuming they don't walk under a bus!) but also enjoys a good quality of sleep which means more energy and a full waking life too. And frankly, if you are going to develop and maintain an intimate relationship, it's important for both partners to be wakeful enough to participate and enjoy it .. isn't it?i

Do post as often as you feel you need to and do ask your chap to have a look at the site. All the very best x

Hi there, im new to the boards and new to sleep apnea. I am dating a wonderful guy who uses a cpap machine. He doesnt use it every night but certainly says he feels the benefits when he does use it. When we first got together he told me of the sleep apnea and wearing the mask at night. He suggested that he wouldnt be using it during the times i stayed over and i must be honest and say i felt slightly relieved as i wasnt sure how i would feel sleeping next to him when he was wired up. It isnt a problem between us and i want to support him if he feels he needs to wear it when im with him. But now he wont use it when im around as in his words it kills the moment. I mainly stay at weekends and ive noticed he often falls asleep during the day when we are relaxing together. I do not have any problem with this but worry that its because he wont use the machine to aid his sleep and therefore is tired the whole time we are together. I have broached the subject and said if he wants to wear it - i understand he only puts in on when he is ready for sleep - then i would rather he did and get a decent night sleep. But he wont. Is there any advice anyone can offer in how i could react in a positive way and encourage him to at least try when i am with him. I really want him to sleep better but its becoming an issue between us.