British Snoring & Sleep Apnoea Association

I am female snorer and one heavy snorer.
I am 29years old -- I am not overweight.

My boyfriend or anybody sleeping in the same room has to wear earplugs.
That makes me feel bad and guilty. The snoring affects my social life as well. I avoid visitors at home, as I am ashamed.
This is because I have been blamed for my snoring very long now. I am the loudest snorer of the group usually -if sleeping in group accommondations. Snoring makes me feel isolated.

Any advise how to cope with these feeling?

Hi Ann,

Well I am female, 27 and not overweight and I have always been a heavy snorer, something I always figured I inherited from my Father, who used to have to sleep separately from my Mother at the other end of the house it was that bad. (he was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea last year) My ex-partner and I were together for 9 years and lived together for 6 years and he had to wear ear plugs every night for those 6 years. (and no the ex-bit was not due to my snoring, ha ha) But still I felt awful about it and was constantly apologising.

Also on weekends away with friends, I would have to sit and debrief anyone with the misfortune of ending up in the same room as me, handing them a pair of earplugs and apologising. (it was even worse if I had been drinking)

In 2006/2007 a friend remarked that the snoring noises I made when sleeping could be terrifying because they were so varied, loud and chokey. Not only that but by God did I babble a lot of incoherent rubbish, sometimes even shouting. My poor flatmate had to hear it all.

So 2008 was a year of exhaustion for me and it got so bad I was passing out at my desk at work, so I saw the Doctor, got a sleep study at hospital and I was diagnosed in November with Severe Sleep Apnea and put straight into Cpap machine. This has solved the exhaustion problems and as a cheeky bonus the full face mask and air dampens the snoring, so much so that on a recent stay over with family my current boyfriend was able to share a single bed with me and actually get some sleep, despite the amusing logistics of the mask and hose attachment.

In the end, this is not something that is your fault, the only way to cope with this, with family and friends is through humour and honestly, you tell them up front they can stay over but you warn them, as I have said on some occasions, if they think there is a tank about to break through the wall of their bedroom around 2am it's only my snoring. This way they are warned and if they love you they won't blame you, can't say they weren't warned. But seriously, don't feel embarrassed by this, think about it this way, there are MUCH more embarrassing afflictions you could be cursed with and always remember this, no matter how big a deal it seems to us, our friends and relatives probably don't see it as an issue at all.

In terms of your partner, this is a different issue, as, if you live together, or will potentially live together, he is exposed to it everynight. if he is coping using the earplugs then good, really it's a small price to pay to be with the woman you love. However if he is finding himself tired and resentful, or you suspect so, then maybe something needs to be done. Quite what, I am not sure, maybe it's worth getting an Apnea test, or a mouth guard, or even something as simple as having him go to bed an hour before you so the he is in deeper sleep by the time the snoring starts. (my ex partner and I did this for a year or so) Even a bigger bed can make a difference. The important thing is that you are a pair and work through it together, of course it is good you feel concerned for him and his sleep quality in relation to your snoring, but guilt only serves to make you feel bad and I am sure that's the last thing he wants. Try not to let this isolate you, it is outwith your control. Look at it this way, if it was one of your friends or a relative or your partner who was a loud snorer, you would never dream of being this hard on them, so please don't be to yourself.

I hope you find a solution and even if it takes a while, at least some peace with your guilt in the meantime, because it will do nothing constructive for you, believe me I know.

Thank you..
I guess I finally go to see GP or the sleep center to have this figured out...
Keep you posted.

ann

Dont me ashamed you snore, as a nurse with many years experience of working nights, I can catagoricly say most people snore, at some time of the night, the differnce is volume and type of snoring. Upto about 10 years ago surgery was offered to reduce the tissue at the back of the throat, then they found out it often grew back, so it was not seen as a cure.

Have you been checked out regarding sleep apnoea? Does your breathing get interupted by the snoring, called apnoea's.

From my personal experience though, although there are loads of stuff available for it, for me none worked, and best thing for me was being diagnosed with OSA and now manged with a cpap machine.

Ann,
I think your first step is to go and discuss it with your GP.
If you are tired through the day it may be Sleep Apnea but you will need to be checked for this.
Ask your boyfriend if you stop breathing a lot through the night.
If you do you need to mention this when you go to see the GP.
Also if your legs move around a lot while sleeping.
He may refer you to Ear Nose & Throat Dept of the hospital.
In which case don't take the offer of surgery as your first option if you think it is Sleep Apnea tell them you suspect it is.
Tell them you would prefer to go for a study before you consider surgery.
Surgery works for some but not for others, the advice given to me by ENT and Sleep Lab was to make that the last option and not the first.
Advice varies from region to region so ask for a sleep study.

Good luck.