British Snoring & Sleep Apnoea Association

My partner was diagnosed 6 months ago and now has a Cpap machine. In honesty his sleep patterns are still all over the place. He often doesn't go to bed till 2 or 3pm the morning and then sleeps till 11am. He seems not to understand that although he is the one with this condition and has my support it is hard for me to cope with broken sleep and shift work. I really try to help in any way I can but now extremely tired myself. I do not see any advice out there for partners of those with this condition and would like to hear from others in my situation to share coping strategies and support.

I do understand what you're saying Jobling01, but the CPAP machine helps improve the quality of sleep for the OSA sufferer and really does not influence when the sufferer takes his sleep!

As far as I am aware, there is no link between diagnosed and treated OSA and the circadian rhythms of individuals ... the only relationship would have been that prior to treatment, the sufferer would have felt increasingly tired and might have 'slept' more and for longer in terms of hours in the day rather than hours at a stretch of being asleep. In effect the 'sleep' would have been punctuated by apnoeas so frequently that the sufferer would never have had the time to get into deep REM sleep and therefore would wake unrefreshed, and possibly as tired as when s/he went to 'sleep'.

I can appreciate that your partner's sleeping periods could be considered to be inconsiderate at best and antisocial at worst, and also bring considerable risks to the stability and continuation of your relationship. I presume you've mentioned this to him? Has he any suggestions? I'm afraid that you can't link his sleeping periods to his treatment for OSA ... but you do NEED TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST ... and that means ensuring YOU get sufficient rest ... possibly even separate bedrooms when things get critical with your shifts, blackout curtains and even earplugs.

Really sorry to hear that things are tough. My reply is not meant to sound flippant, but I'm not sure that from a CPAP/OSA perspective I can suggest anything useful. I do hope that the situation improves soon for you both.

Hi Jobling,

I have just been diagnosed with sleep apnea, and am in my first month of receiving treatment.

Since my partner became pregnant with my youngest daughter (who is now 6 years old) I have been a very heavy snorer.

As a result of this she has slept in my daughters room since conception.

All I can do is offer a sufferers perspective, which on face value might seem self centered.

I cannot say that it is all her fault. For me personally the condition changed my as a person. I when from a fairly mild mannered man to a very impatient, depressed guy, who due to the condition also lost his "mojo" if you know what I mean.

As a sufferer I feel that as a result of this that I am no longer loved, our sex life is now non existent, and although she is now supportive of my treatment I personally feel like we are just co-existing in the same house.

I am also a type 2 diabetic, and every time I would attend the doctors surgery I was told that my symptoms were a result of the diabetes.

I am now on diabetic medication, anti depressants, and anti cholesterol medication
Things have started to change due to what I perceive to be a "lucky" break.

When I finally could not function as normal and attended another appointment at my surgery I happened to see a locum doctor instead of my own.

Immediately I described the symptoms to her she advised my that she thought I was suffering from sleep apnea, and started the ball rolling for diagnoses and treatment.

Had I seen my normal doctor I could still be ignorant to a condition I may have had for many years.

I urge you to try and carry on if you can, for the sake of your relationship.

You mention that your husband often doesn't go to bed before 2/3am, is it not possible for you to go to bed before him and try and get at least 2 or 3 hours of restful sleep before he comes to bed?

Also a good friend of mine tried cpap treatment and couldn't get on with it. In the end he had a permanent tracheotomy which has completely changed his life. When he goes to bed he removes his tube, and replaces it when he wakes.
As a result he no longer snores, or needs cpap.

Hope this helps,

Good luck

Alan

Thank you for your reply. Your advice is appreciated. Definitely true that I can help my partner best by getting the sleep I need to have the energy to help support him. I think I need to sleep in a separate room at least some nights every week.

Hello Alan
Thanks for your message. I am glad that you are getting the treatment you need with the Cpap. Sleep apnoea is a nasty illness that causes a great strain on relationships. I would not be surprised if your partner is , like me feeling guilty that she has decided that she can't cope with all the broken sleep and stress. I feel guilty that I can't make it all better for my partner. I find myself feeling angry and depressed at the situation which tends to come out as anger. No- one is to blame for having an illness, but it is only natural that you both feel frustrated and tired. I hope that you and your partner are able to come to terms with it all. My partner and I are struggling but since I am now spending some nights separately I am starting to find the energy to give him the support he deserves. Everyone has to find their own way to deal with SA and I am sure you will too. I hope everything works out for you both. Be good to keep in touch.
Best wishes and THINK POSITIVE you are on the way to getting some control over the SA