British Snoring & Sleep Apnoea Association

My partner has just been diagnosed and is waiting for a CPAP, my question is how do I best support him without taking over? Being prone to bossiness I don't want to instigate a knee jerk 'sod it' reaction when it's clearly going to be hard enough for him to get used to being Darth Vader every night. Any hints and tips will be greatly appreciated
Thanks

I have been using a Resimed CPAP for 18 months or so now and it really has been life-changing. It does take a few days to settle to it and to get the fitting of the head-strap just right but honestly once used to it he will feel 100% better because he is getting the right type of sleep and maintaining correct oxygen levels. And you will feel so much better too because he will no longer keep you awake with snoring. The snoring stops instantly. Persevere, it only takes a few nights to get used to it - honestly.

Welcome Angi!

It's a very loving gesture to contact us to ask how to help your partner. I am sure he will appreciate it.

Not sure that I can supply a quick fix though! It will have been a big shock for him to learn that he has a previously unknown medical condition and that this requires active management.

He will feel quite vulnerable and you'll need to encourage him and try to head off any 'what if' questions and guilt because there was nothing he could have done to prevent it.

You've already made a good start by finding this site. Read up as much as you can - even if you have to hold back a bit from giving him advice - and be patient. Reassure him that wearing a CPAP mask will not make you love him any the less. You are just glad that he has been diagnosed and will start a treatment regime because then he can spend all his natural life with you rather than have it cut short by a heart attack or stroke (the risks for these when asleep are substantially higher in non-treated OSA patients). You can help him to moisturise his face if it gets dry from his mask - let him borrow your gunk! - and tell him that it won't affect intimacy ... probably his greatest fear.

Hope it won't be long before he gets his machine, and don't forget to show him that this site exists so he can ask as many questions as he wishes. You'd be surprised how many of us there are all around you but you'd never know as you can't see in our bedrooms!

On the practical side, get a nice long extension lead and then reassure him that you'll both still be able to go away on holiday and that once he's settled on his therapy, it will be as though nothing has changed between you except that he'll feel much better when he wakes up because he's getting proper restful sleep.

Thanks Alsa
It's good to know that there is so much support available and with a bit of searching most questions have been asked and answered at some point.
Angi

What Alsa says, but don't say to much to him.
Worst thing you can do is complain when he is using the machine in bed. There is nothing he can do about the air coming out if the mask or the noise of the machine so avoid commenting on it. Best thing is to try to encourage him to use it. You will soon get used to the machine and the noise of the air. So much so that if he goes away the room will be to quiet.

Thought I'd update after night 5 of a fast becoming beloved machine! Well beloved by me anyway. Never thought I'd ever say that it's almost too quiet at night now so I won' jinx it! The mask stays on all night just about and the snoring has all but stopped. The sound of the air is more like waves on the beach so isn't causing any sleeplessness. My partner is feeling so much better too, now that he's actually sleeping for a 'normal' length of time. His energy level and thought process are much better as well as the general improvement in how he feels. Yay for CPAP!

Thanks for getting back to us Angi! It means a great deal to hear that things are going well. May you both enjoy quiet nights and good sleep! x

Good to hear

And then the downside seems to hit! Honeymoon period apparently over, now the poor guy is feeling dog tired, not the harsh painful tired without the xpap but debilitating, depressing kinda tired. Mood swings and general grumpiness followed a steep energy crash at the weekend, from feeling positive and up beat, getting on pretty well with the machine, averaging +6 hours per night. Is it normal for it to be dramatic swings and roundabouts and is he really not the only one to feel this way?
I'm working on the principle that there's at least 10 years worth of mind and body conditioning to undo before really feeling the benefit of good sleeping habits. Not using the machine isn't on the cards but is there anything we can do in the meantime to alleviate the feeling rubbish now?
Does the body go into a kind of shock at getting so much sleep sustained over a long period, relatively speaking as it's only been a fortnight.
Thanks as ever for any and all advice/reassurance you can give
Angi

Hi Angie ,

Tell him it will get better and better , Ive not been on cpap that long but the difference is great .
Not used mine for a few days as I have been blocked up , but I need to try to use it tonight as I feel so tired .

Jan Xx

Thanks Jan I will, again and again and again! Patience is the order of the day I think
Sleep well
Angi x

Hi Angi!

Thanks for getting back in touch. Your 'fella' is a very lucky one because you care so much about him and want him to be well and happy.



I think mood swings are very normal. When you suddenly learn that you are not the sole person in control of yourself and your way of life, it can be hard to accept, especially as the OSA jumped up and bit him on the bum ... it wasn't his fault and suddenly he's landed with a pretty massive lifestyle change. Time will help.

BUT ... congratulations are in order for him to be averaging 6 hours on his machine at night. It takes some people a lot longer to adapt, and 6 hours is fine as regards being 'compliant' ... which means using the machine for long enough for it to have a beneficial effect. You need to praise him for this. Your praise is justified.



Absolutely. And he's certainly not the only one. But you notice it more because you're close to him and you love him.



There may well have been a long period of mind and body conditioning before he got diagnosed, but I think you'll find that he moves forward with a new mindset more quickly than one might think for all the time that he suffered from undiagnosed OSA. As for the 'rubbish feeling', it does take some time for the benefits of the machine to be felt and for many people this is longer than a fortnight, though he's made great progress in the time he's been using it.



I don't think it's a question of shock, but it does take time for the body to adapt to new ways of living ... for example going on a diet (!), antidepressant or other medication, or even having your teeth repositioned by wearing a mouth brace! Two weeks is a very good start, but it is only the start. Encourage him to persevere and he should start to see indisputably positive results very soon.

All good wishes, Alsa x