British Snoring & Sleep Apnoea Association

Hi everyone - am typing this on my netbook, in the early hours of the morning as my husband's loud snoring in the attic room above is keeping me awake. Have pretty much come to the end of the line now. Over the years we've tried everything - nasal drops/strips, tennis balls, sprays, mouth guards - but nothing works. Finally, after some counselling a few years ago, my husband thought the solution was to move up to the attic.

He has been to the GP a couple of times and has been told to lose weight. If I complain he always says, "Let me lose a few stones, then you'll see." And so the nightmare continues, day after day, month after month. A few years ago I made him go to see a private consultant who did some tests and said he had sleep apnoea as he always drops off to sleep during the day. He recommended a mask and machine at night and told us to go back through the NHS which we did, waiting over a year for an appointment. Their test proved negative and my husband gleefully returned saying he was fine.

I don't want to leave him but his snoring impacts on every area of my life. I am exhausted all the time and we can never go away and stay anywhere comfortably. Feel so much anger all the time. Also intense shame. My kids think it's normal for us to not share a room. Good grief, what sort of message does that send? Should I give up now?

Hi Long Suffering,

No you shouldn't give up, not yet anyway.

Go to your GP with your partner and go in together and explain exactly what you have said here.
It affects you both and you have got to get that across to the GP.
It would also depend what sort of a test he had for Sleep Apneoa. Was it a full test in hospital or a test at home? He really needs a full test done in hospital (sleep Lab) and he needs to feel relaxed and sleep while he is there.

If results show he does not have OSA then other options have to be looked into by your GP.
Sometimes you just have to be a bit pushy to get results.

S2S

Hello fellow sufferer!

I have the same problem with my husband and I cannot take it any longer myself. I therefore decided to find out what can be done and what I could hopefully manage to persuade him to try.

He is of the opinion that snoring is not his problem as it is me who cannot sleep because of his snoring, which means it is my problem. Well, I seek solutions to problems but hardly easy when it is not my own snoring that keeps me awake. He will also only counter argue that I snore too. I use nose spray as I always have a stuffed nose due to allergy and if I do snore he is at least not kept awake by it.

He always complains about being tired and must have snoozes in the afternoon or evening and they tend to last for hours. He can even have two snoozes when he has time off from work in addition to a proper nights sleep. He will fall asleep in the car if I drive and there is nothing that can keeps him awake although he can actually also fall asleep as I am talking to him. He says this is because I keep boring him.

I have seen him falling asleep under massive speakers in night clubs and he can actually sleep every where and at any time it looks like, but he is alert at work. He leaves for work around 08.00 and home between 18-19.00 in the evening unless he is not on business trips, which can be exhausting for him. He is 56 now but he has been like this since I met him and then he was 41 years old.

So, what can I do with a husband who refuses to admit snoring being his problem? I have told him to sleep in his study if he is not willing to do something about this problem, but this causes a problem when our kids are home to see us as we are then forced to sleep in the same room. I did the Epworth sleepiness test on-line based on how I see him and his score was 15 and mine was 0 (that is if I have been able to have a proper nights sleep). I know a sleep clinic is way better than tests on internet but I thought it could give an idea at least.

Can anyone advice me what to do please?

Many thanks!

Everyone that is having problems with a man/woman that will not listen.

Sit down with them and talk quietly with them about their snoring (stay calm whatever the reaction, you can always drop it and come back to it).
Yes I know some will use any excuse and even start an argument to avoid the issue.
Offer to (and you should) go to the GP with them, if nothing else to support them and also explain to the GP that it affects you both.
You should listen to see if they stop breathing while asleep and if you need to record them while snoring and if they stop breathing (do not confront them with this unless you want an argument, unless they are very calm about it) and explain very calmly your concerns about them stopping breathing and or snoring.
If they refuse to go to the GP you can always get some leaflets about snoring and Sleep Apnoea and leave them where he/she can see them. If you are brave enough you can hand them to him/her and explain that they might just be suffering from this and that there may be a way to deal with it.
Most of all, try to persuade them to go to their GP and try (if they will let you) going along as well.
The GP may send them to E.N.T. (Ear, Nose and Throat) clinic first to check for other problems first. Don't go for an operation if they suspect it is Sleep Apnoea, first weigh up the options open to you first. Get a Sleep Study done (best at the hospital) but some do it at home now. Don't be put off if a home study does not give a positive, ask for one at the hospital as it is more accurate.
Above all, be supportive and not argumentative.
Men will not go near a GP unless they are in agony, so it may take a few calm conversations to persuade them to go.
How do I know men will not go to the GP, I am one

There are useful tips on how to spot Sleep Apnoea on the site, so do a bit of reading.
Sleepiness Scale is HERE print it off and take it to the GP with you.

Oh and good luck, you might just need it.

I was reluctant to go, but I am very glad I did.
It didn't even hurt to go and get treatment
Now I take my machine to bed every night


If you managed to get your partner to go let us know how you did it.

[quote="Steenied"]Hi all,

I am new here...... and a suffering wife.

My husbands snoring has resulted in us having to sleep in seperate beds. I can hear him clearly even with earplugs in, when my mum came to stay the christmas before last she honestly thought it was a motorbike starting up!

We need a short term solution for the end of the month as I am taking him to New York for a week and am not sure how I am going to get away from the noise, short of sleeping in the corridor!!

And obviously in the longtedrm if anyone has any ideas they would be much appreciated!

S[/quote]

You may not be able to do anything before NY, but get him to GO TO HIS GP and explain what you told us and ask for urgent help.

Im new here also, and suffer from my fiancé's snoring. I can sleep through a freight train passing nearby. I can not however, ignore his snoring. it doesn't matter what position he is in either, he snores equally in all positions. We have actually started taking turns on the couch since we don't have an extra bedroom to use. I keep telling him to go to the doctor and get some ind of treatment for it, but he isn't taking the time out to go do it. he says, ok I will....and never does. Im tired of not being able to sleep together, Im tired of being able to hear him in the opposite end of the house through closed doors. we live in a duplex, so I am pretty sure the neighbors can hear him too. The way we decide who sleeps on the couch, is whoever falls asleep first. if he passes out on the couch after work, I get the bed. if he goes to bed and falls asleep there first I get the couch. I have pretty much given up on ever sleeping in the same room again, is there anything we can do to help reduce his snoring problem until he can get to the doctor and figure out a way to stop the problem? I have heard normal snoring, what he does is NOT by any means normal snoring. he also occasionally screams in his sleep, but that I can deal with, it is very rare, and when it does happen, it only happens once the entire night. it didn't used to be this bad.

gallowraven

You need to get him to the GP and this sorted out. My Partner (Wife on August the 4th this year) would rather me use a cpap machine than snore.

He may or may not have sleep apnoea but he needs to get it sorted.]

Mac

In terms of going on holiday with a snorer, I did read somewhere a while ago that some hotels now have snoring rooms, not sure how this would work though. Here is an article that talks about helping to get your partner to stop snoring: http://www.somnowell.com/blog-entry/560