British Snoring & Sleep Apnoea Association

Hubby and I have been married 8 years now. For the first few years we slept okay together despite his snoring. On the odd occasion I'd go and sleep in the spare room. Now we can't sleep together at all and this has gone on for about four years. Initially we'd go to bed together and then if I woke up I'd go sleep elsewhere. Now we don't bother trying to share a bed c'os I can no longer fall asleep while he's beside me. His snoring is pretty bad but when he's nit snoring he's making incredibly irritating breathing noises through his mouth. Apparently he's always been like this. When he was a teen his mum took him to an ENT who apparently found nothing physically wring with him and concluded that it was just a bad habit that he had formed perhaps after having had a cold. It was so bad even then that both his brothers refused to share a bedroom with him! Anyway, it's a problem that we've both avoided dealing with cos he just gets so angry and frustrated. We often go away to my parents holiday home with them and sometimes other family members too, and hubby ends up sleeping in the lounge. We've somehow always managed to make up some excuse but I think people must suspect and assume that we must be a strange couple for bit sleeping together. We're quite ashamed if it and can't admit that it's true. We only have a two bed house and are hoping to be parents soon. We will have no choice but to share a bed and I'm really worried that things will go from bad to worse and we will split up. Dramatic I know! I recently bought some earplugs and he took snoreze throat spray. We lasted about half an hour before his annoying mouth puffing drove me crazy. I can't believe that there isn't a solution and don't want to think that we'll need to buy a bigger house and then openly sleep separately. His nose has been broken before and he says he can't breathe through it properly and that's why he pretty much breathes through his mouth. I know the obvious step is for him to go to his GP but that'll be tough getting him to. He just gets huffy and acts like I'm the problem yet he goes in like our marriage is a sham and that's my fault that we don't sleep together! I'm feeling very hopeless and would really appreciate some advice from anyone who had been in a similar situation, thank you for reading this very long post.

Anyone reading your post will have the greatest sympathy for you. Please try to get your husband to his GP and to suggest a referral to an ENT department if you think it's due to the physical state of his nose and airways.

It's important to stress to the GP what a strain this is putting on you both. I hope that you find a solution very soon.

Get him to read this I was in the same boat and refused to go to the doctor.


How Sleep Apnea Nearly Ended My Marriage
Hi, my name is Stuart I live a pretty normal life for a 27 year old, other than the fact that during a night’s sleep my wife was complaining of my very loud snoring this argument rumbled on for ages, until she said if you don't go to the doctors to see If they can sort this we might have to break up this is how series things got for us.
So as I thought I was fine I went to the doctors and apologised for wasting his time.  He asked some questions so I told him about the wife's threats then he asked how I felt so I opened up and told him I feel just as tired when I get up as when I went to bed, I also had a very short temper this was not me as anyone who knows me will tell you I am very laid back. The doctor said straight away it is one of two things either diabetes or sleep apnea, So he decided to rule out diabetes first which he did with a blood test, Then referred me to sleep apnea clinc.
I was very apprehensive and not sure what to expect I turned up thirty minutes early with my wife (standing joke I do not like being late) to book in and be show to the waiting room I knew I was in the right room as there was four men in there fast asleep and one lady reading a book as my wife was chatting with the lady she found out this was a wife of one of the men. I sat down and waited, trying to make sure I did not fall asleep (but sleep apnea took it's toll) as I awoke with my wife tapping me on the arm saying the nurse wants to do some checks blood pressure, weight, height and measurements than back to the waiting room and more sleep.
I was shown through to Mr Oko and I was asked to fill in a very small questionnaire on sleep and how I felt, while doing this Mr Oko was asking my wife questions like does he stop breathing and my wife said no he goes quiet but I know he is alive as his chest goes up and down. (YOU MUST TAKE YOUR BED PARTNER TO YOUR FIRST APPOINTMENT AS I DID NOT KNOW HALF OF THE ANSWERS THAT MY WIFE GAVE MR OKO)
I will attach a copy of the sleep questionnaire for you to have a go I think I scored 18, which I was then told was high and there was a good chance I had sleep apnea. Mr Oko asked if I would be prepared to come in and collect a sleep analyser machine to find out what was going on.
I turned up to my second appointment to collect the sleep analyser, needless to say while waiting for my appointment I had a little sleep as when I have a comfy chair and nothing to do I fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Mr Oko explained how to put on the machine and then took it off telling me to put on before I go to bed and drop off the next morning (TIP NO 1 MAKE SURE YOU TURN OFF THE SLEEP ANALYSER AS SOON AS YOU WAKE UP)
Two weeks later I returned to Mr Oko. When I was called in I was shown on computer the results (again I will attach a copy) Mr Oko showed me where I was snoring and was concerned at how low my oxygen levels were dropping and explained that was enough evidence to prescribe me a C Pap machine. Mr Oko then measured my nose and gave me a mask ( TIP NO2 THESE MASK ARE DAUNTING WHEN YOU FIRST SEE THEM SO START OFF WHILE SITTING WATCHING THE TELEVISION JUST PUTTING ON FOR A FEW MINUETS AT FIRST YOUR PARTNER WILL POSSIBLY JUST LAUGH BUT YOU WILL BOTH GET USED TO IT).
The next stage was I was called by Respironics sleep support team letting me know they would be delivering my C Pap machine and pipes. I got home and plugged it in again I was very apprehensive about going to sleep when I went to bed I put the mask on and started the machine the first time was very strange air blowing up my nose but soon felt ok (remembering the words of mr Oko if u manage a couple of hours when you wake up you will fell FULL OF BEANS). I think I managed about four hours before taking off but a lot of people I know say the normal is about two hours building up to a full night’s sleep. I am not sure if tip 2 helped but on night two I managed a full night and when I woke up the next morning sure enough I felt FULL OF BEANS.  
I was amazed how quickly I felt the benefit this is when the thought of that dreadful mask goes away and it becomes the best thing since sliced bread.
My Wife is happy as the snoring has stopped and we both sleep much better, my angry, short temper has gone and I am back to my normal self. My thanks goes to my wife for the constant nagging and to the doctor for getting me diagnosed very quickly and to Mr Oko for all the help and support I could have ever wanted.

If you feel you or you partner could be suffering please go and get yourself checked. Remember sleep deprivation is a form of torture, don't torture yourself or your sleep partner. I will guarantee you will feel the benefit straight away. You will feel full of beans again don't delay get checked ASAP.

Yes, print that off and let him read it in his own time.

I totally feel your pain! My husband snores so loudly and snottily, it drives me literally to tears most nights. we also only have enough bedrooms for 'the spare room' option to be out of the question. I'm so unhappy and feel constantly guilty for nagging and thinking horrible things about him as I'm stuck downstairs knackered listening to his bellowing through the ceiling. KEEP TRYING to go to your GP if you love each other. We have tried surgery on his nose, sprays, gadgets and MADs but with little success. Until he either loses loads of weight or gets a job where he's not so tired I'm stuck with him, and the situation. We have a six month baby sharing our room and two older sons and I'm exhausted all the time, I hope you get the help you need and don't get fobbed off like we have.

Hi WishingIwasDeaf,

Why don't you go back to your GP and explain how bad the problem is?
If your usual GP says they can't do anything ask for a second opinion.
I would be tempted to try a machine to see if it would stop him snoring.
Not the proper use for CPAP (to stop snoring without OSA), but it would tempt me to ask for a sleep study.

I must interrogate my husband...... Well, He always complains of my snoring, and ends up storming downstairs, slamming the living room door and kipping on the sofa! As far as I am concerned, no-one should whinge at their bed partner about snoring if they are not up to providing any info. I need to know to more than just "You're snoring,.....AGAIN." I think there were threats of him moving back to his father's.

Hi Tracey,
Get him to explain what you are doing when snoring, do you stop breathing or is it just a snore.
Go to your GP if it is causing problems.

Go to your GP. He can refer you to a sleep specialist. Don't waste time wondering or worrying, you need to act on the problem. Your relationship is worth more than this.

To Sleep2Snore: I asked hubby about my snoring, he says I just snore and it isn't loud. I feel annoyed because he sees it as a Massive problem , but IMO, when I mention about seeing the doc or threaten to contact the DVLA, hubby backtracks, saying it's no big deal...

Tracey, go to your doc. Your hubby isn't helping you and you need peace of mind even if your snoring is not lifethreatening but simply bothers him.